Lately, hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga yung nangyayari sakin. Sobrang pagod na pagod ako, na wala ng gana sa lahat ng bagay. Basta hindi ko maintindihan, hindi ko talaga alam. At kanina lang, nagkausap kami ng boyfriend ko..
BF: Ang cold mo.
Ako: Sorry, di ko alam kung ano nangyayari sakin.
BF: Okay lang.
Ako: Mahal mo pa ako?
Ako; Pero minsan ba naisip mong umayaw na lang?
Ako: Pero bakit hindi mo magawa?
BF: MINSAN LANG AKO NAGING KONTENTO KAYA AYOKO MANG-IWAN.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ba dapat yung maramdaman ko, naiiyak ako na ewan.
Sometimes, I wonder how it would be like to be a rock – to be numb, to not feel anything, to be like a zombie (if zombies do really exist). Having different kind of emotions is an essential part of being a human. But just like any other ordinary person, there are times when I feel like I’m tired of everything – literally everything. Not just physically or mentally tired, but emotionally tired most of the time. I like the feeling of being in love, being happy. But it cuts me down deep inside every time I get into situations wherein I will only be in a state of insecurity, anger, hatred, rejection, disappointment and lastly – I don’t like the feeling of being hurt. I honestly think at times that it sucks to have these emotions. And it just really gets tiring to cope up with all of it, most especially if it happens repeatedly.
Not physically, but emotionally vulnerable. When you love, you don’t have to be the dominant one. No one has to. You have to lessen your pride. You don’t have to pretend that you’re always the strong one. There will always come a point wherein you’ll feel like giving up. Thing is, you don’t have to hide what you really feel. When you’re hurt, say it. When you feel like crying, do it. It doesn’t literally mean that you’re weak, but really, you’re just strong enough to be vulnerable and accept everything.